If you have been the parent of a two year old or ever known a two year old, you know the power of “no.”  You have a beautiful, sweet, innocent child who is discovering the world and delighting in the many colors and textures of life, that as adults we take for granted.  And then one day, one fateful day, this child learns the word “No.” 

No (I don’t want to eat my peas!)

No (I don’t want to take a bath!)

No (I don’t want stay here!)

No (I don’t want to go there!)

No (I don’t know what I don’t want to happen, but I’m going to say “No!” just in case!)

 “No” is the moment we each began to truly distinguish ourselves from the rest of the world.  I’m an individual, I’m me!  I assert who I am in the world!  And while the “no’s” have the potential to leave even the best parent yearning for life before language, Mom’s and Dad’s also sense that those “no’s” represent the awakening of a unique, wonderful creation who will continue to amuse, surprise, sometimes disappoint and often awe them, as long as they have the distinct pleasure of knowing this evolving human being.

 And everything is going great.  We’re two and testing, we’re teens and testing and then something mysterious happens to many of us.  Somehow, somewhere along our path, we forget how to say no.  Maybe I’m a teenager trying to fit in and say yes to be accepted as part of the group — when I know I should be saying no.  And as adults, the challenge to say no increases many times over.  We have responsibilities, a family to care for, a mortgage to pay, a job to keep and we put our dreams on hold.  Many times every day, each one of us is confronted with the choice between yes or no and often, if we’re honest with ourselves, our heads might say “yes,” but our hearts say “no.” 

 Now you might be thinking I’m overstating my case.  So let me ask.  How many of you reading this post have more to do than you have time in which to do it?  And I’m not just talking about work, I’m talking about life.  If you can honestly say that your life — work, family, friends, personal, spiritual and physical — is in harmonious balance, then maybe this post is not on target for you. 

However, if you find that you’re often over-committed or doing things you’d rather not be doing or not focusing your time on what is truly important to you, then maybe it’s time to embrace the ‘two year old’ in you!

 Here are a few suggestions for getting in touch with that ‘two year old’ inside of you:

 1.     Do a quick life inventory ~ “What’s inside your joy box?”

 Think about each aspect of your life:  work, family, friends, personal, spiritual, physical, financial.  Score yourself from 1 to 10, 10 being the highest on each aspect in terms of how well you feel you attend to that component.  For example, you may feel that you’re achieving an 8 in your work or business (you’re meeting your strategic goals), but a 5 with friends (because you don’t seem to take as much time you might want to stay in touch) and score on physical of 1 (because you haven’t exercised for years and keep putting off that visit to the doctor). 

 How can you raise the low scores?  Pick the lowest scoring life component and brainstorm ten ways you can increase that component in your life.  Now commit to do one each week for the next month.  Then move to the next lowest scoring component and do the same the following month.

 2.     Say “no”  first.  Always!  “Go ahead, throw that temper  tantrum!”

You don’t need to say it out loud, but in your mind, you do need to pause and just say “no” to begin to give yourself the room to make a clear, conscious choice.  And the more you say “no,” the more comfortable you’ll get with the word.  You’ll begin to notice that the world doesn’t implode and life goes on!  And if you want to raise the stakes, then tell the person you trust in your life, maybe a spouse or a friend or a work colleague, that every time they ask you to do something you are going to first say “no.”  Then you’re going to consciously choose what you want to do.  How liberating! 

 3. Rap about it.  Okay, maybe not.

 How about doing the internet baby dance!  Go for it!  When you say no, you give others the chance to shine!

Let me leave you with the words to a rap Young MC did about young people saying no to drugs.  I think he has some wisdom for all of us.

Have a blessed day,

 Sharon McGee

 ’cause better safe than sorry

this is for real, this ain’t no game or folly

its your life and you only got one 

so you better do it right or it will soon be done

 

You want to be popular, you want to be cool

you want to be the one that every body likes at school

you want to be every thing just for every one else

but you better think of what you want to be for your self

 

 Every day people livin in the same old mess

hard to be original and not be like the rest

you got to go for what you know, you cant afford to guess

and heaven knows what would happen if you did say yes

 ~ From “Just say no” by Young MC

Maybe there is something that we are endowed with by the Creator that gives us an opportunity to naturally figure out how to make this a better place. ~ Bob Weir (Grateful Dead)

As a business owner or leader, you know firsthand the pressures of making critical decisions that impact your enterprise and the lives of your employees and customers.  And in some cases, even the lives of members of your community.   Who of us hasn’t, at one time or another, been  so distracted by moving fast or grabbing market share that we took our eye off the ball of the fundamentals and like a pedestrian looking the wrong way, got hit by a bus we didn’t even see coming?

The ball, of course, represents the fundamentals of your business.  For most of us, customer focus, quality and cost fall into our list of fundamentals.  In the building industry safety is key, both for the welfare of our employees and for the bottom line of our business.  What are the top five fundamentals of your business?  Do you have a way to monitor those fundamentals?

Some of you may be thinking, Sharon, I’m a one person show. Do I really need to be identifying and following the fundamentals of my business.  And my answer to all of my solo entrepreneurs out there is absolutely YES!  As a solo enterprise, your business is even more sensitive to any change in the dynamics.  When an employee of McDonalds  has a break down in customer focus by giving a customer a McChicken when they ordered a Big Mac and then fails to correct the situation, McDonalds has one unhappy customer who may McSplit and never return or more likely tells family and friends about their poor experience.   When you are a solo entrepreneur, in a moment of thoughtlessness, you fail to deliver to your customer, you could be losing someone who generates 25-50% of your revenue.

So we all have a ball called the fundamentals of our business.  How do we keep an eye on that ball?  I like to have some key metrics that tell me how my business is performing.  And then when one or more of those metrics begins to trend negatively, I focus my energies on determining the root cause and taking any necessary corrective actions.  Safety is a good example of the benefits of monitoring metrics and taking appropriate, timely action.  Most accidents are not single events, but the culmination of a series of small events and poor decision making.  For example, a crew gets to a work site late.  They feel rushed and know they need to get this job done quickly to stay on schedule for the day.  In the rush of the moment, one of the crew members fails to put on safety glasses, figuring it’s a small job that will only take a few minutes and going back to the truck for the glasses will just eat up more time.  Then the drill bit kicks up a metal shaving injuring the crew member.  Now we have an injured employee, insurance issues, lost time for the employee and the crew, delays with other projects, etc.   All of those consequences came out of the crew feeling rushed.  And so in this instance, I’d want to know what about our project planning or scheduling process is leading crews to feel rushed for time so significantly that they have started to compromise their own safety.

My challenge for all of us in August is to step back for a moment, clarify the key fundamentals of our unique businesses, determine what metrics will give us the best indication of the status of those fundamentals and then make the monitoring of those metrics part of our daily activity as business leaders and owners.  Please don’t compromise safety or procrastinate in doing what needs to be done.

Go out and make it a great day!

Sharon McGee

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness….

…And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

Declaration of Independence

July 4, 1776

Two hundred thirty four years ago a band of brothers came together in the muggy summer heat of Philadelphia to stand up for the rights of a group of colonies in the face of the most powerful force in the world at the time — the British government.  Their courage to be willing to sacrifice their wealth, their liberty and their lives set our nation on a path to independence from England, but also planted the seeds in the American psyche that our cause, our purpose as a nation is for the establishment and protection of freedom in the world.  Courageous men and women have been standing up for independence and freedom from the hills of Concorde and Lexington, where the first shots of the  Revolutionary War were fired, all the way to the deserts of Afghanistan and Iraq today.  As we all know, our freedom does not come without sacrifice. 

This month as we join together, a diverse, but united American people, let’s remember the young men and women sacrificing everything for us and the many professionals who put their lives on the line every day to make our communities safe.  Take a moment to thank someone in the Army, Air Force, Navy, Marines, Coast Guard, National Reserve, Firefighters, Police Officers, and Emergency Personnel.  And while you’re at it, thank yourself for all the times you have participated in democratic process that gives voice to our freedom.  Together we make this nation great.

And while we embrace that sacrifice, we also celebrate our liberty — a truly unique and glorious expression of human equality and unalienable rights of a free people.  Independence Day is a time of celebration — barbecue, parades, picnics, fairs, speeches, concerts, baseball and fireworks.  So let’s get out there and party!

Have a Happy and Safe Independence Day!

Sharon

As we move into June, I’m thinking about Fathers and all the great gifts Dads bring to the feast called Family:

Creator

Two of the most powerful attributes of fatherhood are those of creation and protection.  When we speak of “fathering” something or someone, we’re talking about creating.  Of course a baby seems to be the obvious creation of a parent.  However, as has been said before, its easier to make a baby that raise a baby.  The creator role for a father begins at conception, but great Dads continue the creation process as long as father and child live.

Protector

Ask any Dad and he’ll tell you one of his main jobs, whether he likes it or not, is that of protector.  The role has almost primal roots as fathers feel the need to keep the family safe from all threats.  Dad’s not only pick us up when we fall down, they often teach us how to stand up on our own two feet and if we do fall, how to do so with style and grace.

Explorer

I can’t say that I have a scientific basis for this, but next time you’re out, look to see what position mothers and fathers hold their babies in those front baby carriers.  My informal survey has Moms holding the child facing toward her in a nurturing position, the baby often snuggled in and sleeping peacefully.  The majority of Dads have junior facing out into the world, eyes wide open, just taking it all in.  One of the great gifts Dads give us is permission to get out into the world, take some risks and explore.

Teacher

Dads teach in many ways and most of us begin our lives knowing our Dad is probably the smartest guy on the planet.  Of course, as we reach adolescence we realize that we actually have the knowledge and Dad is a bit of a lump.  However, our Dads endure that time, holding on for the day when ten or twenty or thirty years later, we begin to see the wisdom in his words.

Nurturer

More and more, I see fathers embracing the role of nurturer.  They are taking leaves of absence when their children are born and making time to be with their children as they grow.  When we speak of “mothering,” we’re talking about nurturing.   However, as every father and mother knows, “it takes two to tango.”  The creation and nurturing of our children is not confined to one parent or the other.  And besides, Dads give fantastic hugs!

Let me leave you with a few quotes to ponder as you consider your father and/or your own fatherhood.

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.

~ Mark Twain, Old Times on the Mississippi

One night a father overheard his son pray: Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is. Later that night, the Father prayed, Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me to be.

~ Anonymous

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

~ Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Sharon McGee

As we move into May I want to take a moment to honor a group of dedicated, loving, giving, nurturing people — Moms.  None of us would be here without them! When we think of motherhood we often think of child birth.  However, as all you Moms out there already know, the work of a mother only begins with the birth of a child.  All across this planet mothers maintain homes (even when a structure called a “house” doesn’t exist), kiss hurts, listen to fears, thoughts and dreams, hold us in their arms even if we’re thousands of miles away, keep us in their prayers and raise us up with their love.

Of course, Mom’s are human.  Like anyone else they struggle and sometimes falter under whatever burden life may hold.  However, I think we can all learn from motherhood at its best.   A mother’s love:

Knows no bounds. Mom’s love us even when we’ve made mistakes or fail.  That primal connection of love between a mother and a child cannot be easily broken.

Is fierce. You can see the ferocity of motherhood in the natural world as a mother bird will fight to the death for her chicks.  Likewise human mothers have a ferocity of heart deep within that perseveres in the face of great hardship and protects to the very end.

Always hopes for the best. While we might not always agree with Mom’s desires, her intentions always lean to the good.  Imagine a world where each of us sincerely had only the best intentions in our relationships and interactions with others.

Listens to our hearts. Some people say Moms have eyes in the back of their heads!  Why?  Because that love comes from a deep, primal connection with her children.  She can hear not only the words in the present, but the context of those words in that child’s entire life.

Is Patient. Nine months is a long time to await a glorious coming out party!  Mother’s learn patience from the beginning with pregnancy and then as they experience the challenges as their child develops.

The Apostle Paul, in describing love, offered what I think is one of the best descriptions of the ideal of a Mother’s love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 (New International Version)

Whether you are a woman or a man, a mother or not, let’s take the month of May to do two important things.

1. Consider how each of us can bring the attributes of love into our daily living.  How will you be a more loving, caring person going forward?
2. Let’s give thanks for these wonderful, awesome ladies who have given us so much.

Have a great May filled with love,

Sharon McGee