Here comes February and with it, of course Valentine’s Day. What better time to talk about love. Ah, amore! We love to be loved, enjoying being in love, long to give love, struggle to find love, have broken hearts because of love, build lives around love, yearn to do what we love and sing songs, write novels and make movies about love. So the question this month is, in the words of the great Tina Turner, “What’s love got to do with it?”

Let’s start by defining what we mean by love. In the Christian tradition the Greek word agape refers to a selfless, altruistic, unconditional love. Joined with eros, a sexual, physical love, two people choose to love each other as they love themselves and to express that love emotionally, spiritually and physically. As many of us know through our own personal experience, agape, this love thing, is a messy business! Why messy? Here are just a few reasons that come to mind:

We focus on what the other needs without considering our own needs.

Maybe you’ve felt this way sometimes: you give and give and give, and no one ever gives back. Sometimes that dynamic happens when we’re in a very dysfunctional situation. But for today, let’s look at this from within ourselves. If I really cared about myself, would I continue to put myself in a situation where my mind, body and spirit were gradually being diminished? All of us have been there to some extent in our lives. And the root cause of our unhappiness? We don’t (or didn’t) really love who we are (or were)– yet. We see our darker side and our failings, without appreciating what we bring to the world. If I don’t love myself, I’ll have a very difficult time making space for someone else to love me. While many of us believe that love is something “out there” waiting for us (or at least that’s what the movies tell us), true love starts from within ourselves. You can only love another to the depth that you love yourself. This Valentine’s Day ~ make time to fall deeper in love with yourself and you will experience your love grow for others. To Thine Own Self Be True . . . . (more…)