If you have been the parent of a two year old or ever known a two year old, you know the power of “no.”  You have a beautiful, sweet, innocent child who is discovering the world and delighting in the many colors and textures of life, that as adults we take for granted.  And then one day, one fateful day, this child learns the word “No.” 

No (I don’t want to eat my peas!)

No (I don’t want to take a bath!)

No (I don’t want stay here!)

No (I don’t want to go there!)

No (I don’t know what I don’t want to happen, but I’m going to say “No!” just in case!)

 “No” is the moment we each began to truly distinguish ourselves from the rest of the world.  I’m an individual, I’m me!  I assert who I am in the world!  And while the “no’s” have the potential to leave even the best parent yearning for life before language, Mom’s and Dad’s also sense that those “no’s” represent the awakening of a unique, wonderful creation who will continue to amuse, surprise, sometimes disappoint and often awe them, as long as they have the distinct pleasure of knowing this evolving human being.

 And everything is going great.  We’re two and testing, we’re teens and testing and then something mysterious happens to many of us.  Somehow, somewhere along our path, we forget how to say no.  Maybe I’m a teenager trying to fit in and say yes to be accepted as part of the group — when I know I should be saying no.  And as adults, the challenge to say no increases many times over.  We have responsibilities, a family to care for, a mortgage to pay, a job to keep and we put our dreams on hold.  Many times every day, each one of us is confronted with the choice between yes or no and often, if we’re honest with ourselves, our heads might say “yes,” but our hearts say “no.” 

 Now you might be thinking I’m overstating my case.  So let me ask.  How many of you reading this post have more to do than you have time in which to do it?  And I’m not just talking about work, I’m talking about life.  If you can honestly say that your life — work, family, friends, personal, spiritual and physical — is in harmonious balance, then maybe this post is not on target for you. 

However, if you find that you’re often over-committed or doing things you’d rather not be doing or not focusing your time on what is truly important to you, then maybe it’s time to embrace the ‘two year old’ in you!

 Here are a few suggestions for getting in touch with that ‘two year old’ inside of you:

 1.     Do a quick life inventory ~ “What’s inside your joy box?”

 Think about each aspect of your life:  work, family, friends, personal, spiritual, physical, financial.  Score yourself from 1 to 10, 10 being the highest on each aspect in terms of how well you feel you attend to that component.  For example, you may feel that you’re achieving an 8 in your work or business (you’re meeting your strategic goals), but a 5 with friends (because you don’t seem to take as much time you might want to stay in touch) and score on physical of 1 (because you haven’t exercised for years and keep putting off that visit to the doctor). 

 How can you raise the low scores?  Pick the lowest scoring life component and brainstorm ten ways you can increase that component in your life.  Now commit to do one each week for the next month.  Then move to the next lowest scoring component and do the same the following month.

 2.     Say “no”  first.  Always!  “Go ahead, throw that temper  tantrum!”

You don’t need to say it out loud, but in your mind, you do need to pause and just say “no” to begin to give yourself the room to make a clear, conscious choice.  And the more you say “no,” the more comfortable you’ll get with the word.  You’ll begin to notice that the world doesn’t implode and life goes on!  And if you want to raise the stakes, then tell the person you trust in your life, maybe a spouse or a friend or a work colleague, that every time they ask you to do something you are going to first say “no.”  Then you’re going to consciously choose what you want to do.  How liberating! 

 3. Rap about it.  Okay, maybe not.

 How about doing the internet baby dance!  Go for it!  When you say no, you give others the chance to shine!

Let me leave you with the words to a rap Young MC did about young people saying no to drugs.  I think he has some wisdom for all of us.

Have a blessed day,

 Sharon McGee

 ’cause better safe than sorry

this is for real, this ain’t no game or folly

its your life and you only got one 

so you better do it right or it will soon be done

 

You want to be popular, you want to be cool

you want to be the one that every body likes at school

you want to be every thing just for every one else

but you better think of what you want to be for your self

 

 Every day people livin in the same old mess

hard to be original and not be like the rest

you got to go for what you know, you cant afford to guess

and heaven knows what would happen if you did say yes

 ~ From “Just say no” by Young MC

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.

Annie Dillard, author

Do you love life?  Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.

Benjamin Franklin

There is never enough time to do everything, but there is always enough time to do the most important thing.

Brian Tracy, author and speaker

In The First 90 Days, a book for new managers, Michael Watkins points to research that suggests there are several common traps managers fall prey to that undermine their success.  Two of those traps, taking on too much and misalignment, also happen to be two of the key impediments to effective time management.  Let’s look at these a little more closely.

Taking on too much

Being the effective time manager you are, you probably have a to do list capturing all of the actions you want to take, from completing that morning workout to cleaning the kitchen to dropping the kids off at school to preparing for that client meeting to interviewing a potential employee to meeting with your team to scheduling that out of town trip to checking in on the status of a number of projects to having dinner with the family, making time for the kids, spending some protected time with your spouse to reading email, listening to voicemails and reviewing reports….  Sound familiar?  If you’re like most of us, the list above doesn’t begin to cover all of the many tasks, actions, projects, meetings and relationships that you must navigate every single day.  How many of us look at our schedules and lives and wonder, “How am I possibly going to get everything done?” (more…)

For many of us the New Year marks a time to pause and reflect on what we have achieved in the prior year and to set goals for what we want to achieve in the coming year.  Of course all of us are familiar with those New Years resolutions and most of us have the experience of having good intentions, but finding many of those goals slipping off the radar in the face of other life issues.  This month I want to focus on how we can set meaningful, achievable goals for 2010.

A formula that I have found very helpful when thinking about goal setting is

Excellence + Consistency

______________________                      =   Success

Time

Let’s break this formula down and see if we can come up with a strategy for effective goal setting.

The point of the formula is Success.  Knowing what we want to achieve, having a clear picture of the outcome we desire, is critical to the process.  As you’ve probably heard said, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll probably get there!”  As you begin your goal setting process, follow Stephen Covey’s advice — “Begin with the end in mind.”  What do you want to achieve?  Maybe you want to start a new business, run a marathon, spend more time with your family, write a novel, learn a new skill, lower your golf score, increase your revenue.  Whatever the outcome, take time to imagine not only the quantitative aspect of your goal, but also what your achievement looks like and how it feels.  Write out a list, tell a story, draw a picture — whatever helps you flesh out this future achievement. (more…)