What’s Love Got To Do with It?
Here comes February and with it, of course Valentine’s Day. What better time to talk about love. Ah, amore! We love to be loved, enjoying being in love, long to give love, struggle to find love, have broken hearts because of love, build lives around love, yearn to do what we love and sing songs, write novels and make movies about love. So the question this month is, in the words of the great Tina Turner, “What’s love got to do with it?”
Let’s start by defining what we mean by love. In the Christian tradition the Greek word agape refers to a selfless, altruistic, unconditional love. Joined with eros, a sexual, physical love, two people choose to love each other as they love themselves and to express that love emotionally, spiritually and physically. As many of us know through our own personal experience, agape, this love thing, is a messy business! Why messy? Here are just a few reasons that come to mind:
We focus on what the other needs without considering our own needs.
Maybe you’ve felt this way sometimes: you give and give and give, and no one ever gives back. Sometimes that dynamic happens when we’re in a very dysfunctional situation. But for today, let’s look at this from within ourselves. If I really cared about myself, would I continue to put myself in a situation where my mind, body and spirit were gradually being diminished? All of us have been there to some extent in our lives. And the root cause of our unhappiness? We don’t (or didn’t) really love who we are (or were)– yet. We see our darker side and our failings, without appreciating what we bring to the world. If I don’t love myself, I’ll have a very difficult time making space for someone else to love me. While many of us believe that love is something “out there” waiting for us (or at least that’s what the movies tell us), true love starts from within ourselves. You can only love another to the depth that you love yourself. This Valentine’s Day ~ make time to fall deeper in love with yourself and you will experience your love grow for others. To Thine Own Self Be True . . . .
We focus on our own needs without considering the other’s needs.
Even if we’ve fallen deep in love with our self, celebrating our gifts and talents that we bring to the world, we still hit a snag if our focus stays on our own self. When we focus on self satisfaction, we use others to help us achieve these feelings, but in truth, still end up with emptiness in our heart. Self-love is nice, but the true synergy of love comes into play when we use that energy to truly love others. You’ve probably read this verse in the Bible, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” So if you’re feeling a bit lonely, the question is not “why don’t people like/love me?” but “how can I reach out in love to others?” Please remember that you get what you give. Maybe it is time to release the focus on yourself and reach out and touch a life, love a heart, hold a hand and bring a smile to a person’s face. Open your heart and open your life. You are not intended to be a reactor to your life but an initiator of it. Go ahead, give it a try!
We center our lives outside of ourselves instead of an inner relationship with a higher power.
Our lives consist of many aspects, all important, all interrelated: health, wealth, family, work, social, emotional, sexual, spiritual, intellectual. When I center myself on one of these outward aspects, I may achieve the outcomes in that part of my life, but I also find that other parts of my life suffer. For example, when I train for a marathon, if all of my resources focus on that goal, I would begin to feel the loss in my business, my relationships and my overall happiness. But how can we achieve great goals and love with great passion if doing so takes our focus away from all of the other important aspects of our lives? Every major religion and spiritual practice points to a timeless truth, that we enhance and enrich our lives by letting go of what is outside of ourselves and embrace something greater than ourselves to center our lives around. In the Christian tradition that center is God. Using my marathon example, having my center on God enables me to keep my goal in perspective, balance all of the important aspects of my life, and feel content upon completion which can only be achieved when you let go and let God.
So Tina Turner, that’s what love has to do with it, if by “it” you mean relationships with ourselves and others. Love gets messy when we, as humans, change the beautiful meaning of love that God created. We try to control love, compromise love, commercialize love and concede to love. God said, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. Love never fails. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
For the people of God, Sunday, February 14th is Transfiguration Sunday, the day Jesus Christ’s appearance was visibly changed in the presence of His disciples, reassuring them He was, in fact, true God and true man. The best valentine we can receive on this day is a transfigured heart – a gift from the One transfigured for us on both a mountain and a cross. The best valentine we can give is sharing our true love to one another in the way God created it.
This Valentine’s Day, instead of flowers, candy or a card (unless it is homemade) please allow your heart to show your love for others in the way God said.
Thank you for touching my heart and changing my life!
Have a fabulous month in love,
Sharon McGee